Name: Timothy G. Burke
Age: 36
Rank: Captain
Position(s): Command
Ship: USS Eggsandfries
Origin: Earth
Species: Human
Gender: Male

Bravery, commitment, intelligence, honour and integrity are all noble traits of a star ship captain, and are all things on Burke's Christmas wish list.
He will use cunning strategies such as sacrificing the lower ranks for the sake of victory, and is adept in the art of miscommunication.
His famous adventures over the years have finally given him the chance to take command of the Space Fleet's finest vessel, and he vows to take this opportunity to goof up where no man has goofed up before.
Presently, Captain Burke's greatest accomplishment is that no-one has noticed he's been bald for the last decade.

Most famous quote: "I didn't realise it was loaded!"

Name: Speck
Age: 35
Rank: Commander
Position(s): Science Officer/Command
Ship: USS Eggsandfries
Origin: Vulcan
Species: Vulcan/Dwarf hybrid
Gender: Male

Commander Speck is a character torn between two ideals. His Vulcan half embraces the concept of logic and rejects all emotion, whilst his Dwarf half wants to smash people around the head with a hammer for making jokes about his height.
Trained in various scientific fields, Speck would be an excellent officer for managing survey equipment on away missions... if he had big enough hands to carry anything.

Most famous quote: "My mother has a beard, you insensitive git!"

Name: Blobgummery Spot
Age: 41
Rank: Lieutenant Commander
Position(s): Chief of Engineering
Ship: USS Eggsandfries
Origin: Earth
Species: Human
Gender: Male

Adolescence is something that most people leave behind after they pass through their teenage years; for poor Blobgummery, however, skin problems continue even in his forties. This has earned him the nickname "Spotty" amongst his comrades; but also opens up questions about the intelligence of the writer as to why his parents would have "Spot" as a surname. Most of these questions have fallen down plot holes over the years.
Spotty was born in Scotland, and is an excellent engineer and mechanic, trained in many fields of expertise. He can design and build anything his captain could possibly need, but like all the greatest minds in the galaxy, cannot set the time on a VCR.

Most famous quote: "It's no good, Captain, I don't have the shower!"

Name: Bones
Age: 593
Rank: Lieutenant Commander
Position(s): Chief Medical Officer
Ship: USS Eggsandfries
Origin: Hallowe'en
Species: Unknown
Gender: Male

Bones was found by Space Fleet personnel in an open grave on the site of a spooky mansion on the planet Hallowe'en. Despite his death having occurred hundreds of years prior to this encounter, Bones was still very much kicking and ready to leave his clichéd surroundings behind him to take a job in the Space Fleet. To this day, Bones believes that his entrance and immediate promotion to Chief Medical Officer was approved on the basis that he'd had more experience with death than anyone else in the galaxy. The real reason was because they decided the smell of rotting flesh would be enough to keep the crew out of the sick bay.

Most famous quote: "He's dead, Tim."

Name: Wykhant Ihearher
Age: 24
Rank: Lieutenant
Position(s): Communications Officer
Ship: USS Eggsandfries
Origin: Earth
Species: Human
Gender: Female

From a young age, Wykhant always had a knack for languages. She signed up for Space Fleet and eventually became the communications officer for the flag ship. Her roles include answering the phone, leaving messages and some light typing.
During a mission to the Megaphone Planet on stardate 33.3-recurring, she lost the ability to hear properly and now has to receive sounds through a giant satellite dish that sticks out of her ear.

Most famous quote: "Eh?"

Name: Phan Solo
Age: 29
Rank: Lieutenant
Position(s): Helm
Ship: USS Eggsandfries
Origin: A galaxy far, far away
Species: Human
Gender: Male

Despite being in charge of piloting the USS Eggsandfries through space at warp speeds, Phan Solo has never been officially trained in any sort of piloting. In fact, he only joined Space Fleet when his movie career failed to take off. He finds the reduced budget too much to bear at times, but is pleased to be allowed to wear non-standard uniform.
Brave and courageous, Solo never hesitates to lunge headlong into dangerous situations, and is almost as irreplaceable in battle as the lightsabre that he was forced to pay for himself.

Most famous quote: "I've never met anything that I couldn't puncture."

Name: Teskow Checkout
Age: 19
Rank: Ensign
Position(s): Navigation/Tactical
Ship: USS Eggsandfries
Origin: Earth
Species: Human
Gender: Male

Teskow was an obsessed child, wanting nothing more in life than to repetitively scan groceries through a till. When his parents decided that pursuing such a career was a waste of time, he was forced into the Space Fleet Academy and only recently graduated.
He was accepted onto the star ship Eggsandfries when Captain Burke permitted him on the basis that he do his weekly shopping for him.
Checkout's navigational and defense systems are augmented by a state-of-the-art till system, which can accurately scan bar-codes from half a light-year away.
People frequently make fun of young Checkout's Russian accent, asking him to say "nuclear wessels" whenever he walks by.

Most famous quote: "Bar-codes were a Russian inwention."

Name: Kenny
Age: 25
Rank: Ensign
Position(s): Security detail
Ship: USS Eggsandfries
Origin: Earth
Species: Human
Gender: Male

Kenny was born in North America on the planet Earth, and had ambitions to explore the galaxy in Space Fleet. He decided that he would get to see more alien cultures if he took the position of security officer for away missions, and so it came to be.
His sarcastic and cynical demeanor can be attributed to his strings of bad luck: in the last six years, Ensign Kenny has been killed in action a total of seventy-eight times, beating the previous record of one by a margin of seventy-seven.

Most famous quote: "What's my last name?!!"